do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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