I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
