Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
