New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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