i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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