if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize