This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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