It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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