I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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