This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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