When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
