Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
