Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
