You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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