Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
