it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
