Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
