party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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