and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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