His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
