I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
