I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
