So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
