i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
