Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
