I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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