i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
