Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
