so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
