that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
