Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
