i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
