and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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