So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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