Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
