I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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