we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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