now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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