i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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