apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize