Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
