I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
