ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize