He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
