she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
