Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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