I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
