Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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