Got a toothbrush?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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