Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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