How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
