Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
