God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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