I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
