True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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