I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
