she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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