it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize