were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
