Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
