I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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