I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
