It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize