She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
