So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
