In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
