Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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