we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
