My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
