3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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