Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
