Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
