we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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