From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
