I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
