Do you still have your period?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love having hate sex.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Randomize
