Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize