we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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