dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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