Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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