dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
