hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
