genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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