I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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