I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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