Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize