Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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