Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
