have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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