I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
