when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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