This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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