Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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