just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so let's talk penis.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
