dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
