i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Enjoy the penises
Who died my cat blue again?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
