My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
