The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
