So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
