im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
