So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
