So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
