i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize