I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
